


(big kids don’t cry.)

by Alice_not_in_Wonderland



Series: (despite everything, it’s still you.) [2]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Chara (Undertale) Needs a Hug, Chara's older than frisk here, Child Chara, Child Frisk, Frisk (Undertale) Needs a Hug, Gen, Gender-Neutral Chara (Undertale), Gender-Neutral Frisk (Undertale), Spoilers - Undertale Neutral Route, Temporary Character Death, This is a shorter fic than usual but oh well, Toriel’s only mentioned, Trauma, but she’s there - Freeform, theyre about twelve frisk is eight, theyre just kids, they’ve gone through so much but they’re just kids, trying to post more consistently
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:20:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26314057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alice_not_in_Wonderland/pseuds/Alice_not_in_Wonderland
Summary: "I hate her.""What?"The sound comes out weak and watery, Frisk looking up at them from where they've wedged themself firmly into a corner. The sight of their face, blackened with soot with wide, fearful eyes, only makes another wave of shuddering rage crawl up their back, and their fists tighten at their sides."I hate her."
Relationships: Chara & Frisk (Undertale)
Series: (despite everything, it’s still you.) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1903090
Comments: 9
Kudos: 56





	(big kids don’t cry.)

**Author's Note:**

> The kids are having a bit of a rough time. 
> 
> Tw: major character death, mentioned temporary character death, non graphic description of a burn, general trauma

"I hate her."

"What?"

The sound comes out weak and watery, Frisk looking up at them from where they've wedged themself firmly into a corner. The sight of their face, blackened with soot with wide, fearful eyes, only makes another wave of shuddering rage crawl up their back, and their fists tighten at their sides.

"I _hate_ her."

Chara had wondered, in the time after they came back, whether or not they could cry as a ghost. There had been a few times in the Ruins when they had felt that familiar swell of emotion in their chest, but each time it had dissipated almost immediately after, leaving just a vague emptiness afterwards. There had been echoes of feelings as they followed Frisk around the ruins, but all of them had felt distant, not _theirs_. As another overwhelming surge of anger has them blinking back tears from their eyes, the familiar, bitter part of them whispers that they don't have to wonder anymore.

"She thinks she's so much better," they bite out, the beginnings of a hysterical laugh already bubbling in their throat. "She thinks that she's _different_ . She thinks that she can be my- my _mom_ and then she-" they grab onto their arm, feeling the dull heat and pain of a burn that doesn't belong to them, and a series of angry, disbelieving giggles escape their lungs. "She really is no different! She's just the same, isn't she?"

Frisk stares down at their trembling hands, covered in a thin sheen of monster dust. "I," they gulp down a shuddery breath, big brown eyes brimming with tears. "I killed her?"

" _Good._ "

Their voice is harsh, even in their own ears, and it makes Frisk flinch hard enough to almost slam their head into the purple brick wall. Chara wants to apologize, but they don't feel guilty, not really, nothing but anger simmering in them, so they barrel on.

"She deserves it. She-" _killed me,_ they almost say, remembering how the all-encompassing heat and pain had made them _scream,_ remembering how their begging for their ~~Mom~~ to stop hurting them had been drowned out only by the sound of Frisk's high-pitched wails, remembers darkness they never thought they would see again, never _wanted_ to see again. "She hurt you," they say instead, but their voice cracks in the middle and Frisk's shoulders tighten with that all-too-familiar fear and they think that Frisk knows exactly what they were thinking, anyways.

The tears come again, hot and thick, making the world around them dangerously blurry, and they blink them back furiously. _Big kids don't cry._ They are a big kid, especially with Frisk. They have to look after Frisk.

Nobody else here will.

"I didn' want to kill her," their voice is hoarse, small. Every part of them is small. They're younger, for sure, but smaller too- short, with a huge, oversized sweater and shorts that reach below their knees. They remind Chara of ~~him~~ , the same softness that Chara had long since lost, but there's an undeniable shadow of fear that follows them wherever they go that ~~he~~ never had. Then there's the skittishness to them, the way they hunch in on themself, like they're trying to take as little room as possible. They look up at Chara again with those big, tear-filled eyes, and they look so _little_ . "I didn't, she wanted me t' prove myself, I didn' know what to _do-"_

Their words grow more frantic, hiccuping sobs making it almost impossible to understand them, and when their eyes catch on the holes singed straight through their sweater exposing the blistering skin on their arm, fresh tears spring in their eyes. Chara hushes them, feeling terribly, awfully lost, and Frisk bites down on the corner of their sleeve to prevent themself from crying out.

"We'll be ok, here," they fumble to point at Frisk's pockets, trying to catch their attention. "Eat something. It'll help." They've never been good at comforting. All they could give were awkward pats on the back when they were human, and as they're now incorporeal, they can do even less. ~~Mom~~ was the best at it, always knowing exactly what to say and how to say it, soothing tears with warm food and hugs and magic, and the memories make hate curl up dark and cold in their chest. Frisk trembles and pulls out a piece of monster candy, sucking on it and watching as their skin heals. Chara breathes an inaudible sigh of relief as the throbbing of their own arm dulls.

Frisk seems to grow a little less tense as they heal, but they still pick at the edges of the hole burnt in their sweater sleeve. Their bottom lip trembles.

"Was my favorite sweater," they whisper, almost to themself.

"It's a nice sweater." Chara hates that this is one more thing taken away from them. Hates that there's nothing they can do.

"Toriel said she was trying to protect us," they stare at the singed, blackened edges in the fabric, like if they watch hard enough it'll knit itself together again. "Why did she hurt us?"

If Chara was a better person, they'd say one of a million things. They'd say that Toriel made a mistake. They'd say that she cared, too much, and that made her do the wrong thing, they'd say that Frisk's HP is lower than any child's should be and that the magic had burned through their SOUL faster than any of them realized, they'd say that Toriel's biggest mistake had always been that she loved too hard, too much.

They're not a good person.

"She was selfish," they say instead, because it doesn't matter why, in the end. Because ~~Mom~~ had promised to protect them, to never hurt them, and she did. Because Frisk had died five times to _her_ fire, _her_ magic, because five separate times Chara had felt that too-little SOUL shatter, because Chara had told themself that they would never let anyone betray them again (the way ~~he~~ did) and they still could do nothing to stop their world from swallowing up into darkness once more. "She didn't care about us as much as she cared about herself, and she hurt us. She hurt us again and again and she was going to kill me, she was going to do it so I-" They clamp their mouth shut, refusing to let the tears in their eyes fall. _Big kids don't cry._ They know they're not talking about ~~Toriel~~ anymore. "I _hate_ her."

Frisk doesn't say anything, just sitting there, the toy knife by their side. The blade is covered in dust.

"I don' wanna die."

"I know." And they do know, more than anyone. Because Chara's died twice, not counting how they've died as a ghost, and Frisk's died five times. They hear Dad's voice each time, telling them to stay determined as they slip away, remember the bitter blisters and acid in their stomach and throat, remember their limbs not obeying them as ~~Asriel~~ drags their body away and their pounding for control _(How could you,_ _~~Asriel~~ , _ _how could you betray me? Only six souls! We only need six!)_ , remember- nothing.

_(After all, it's not as if you can go back and change fate.)_

Chara stills.

"Frisk?"

"Mm-?"

They don't have a heart anymore, but they can feel Frisk's SOUL pounding like it's their own, can feel their combined DETERMINATION. They had died five times, but never _stayed_ dead, time miraculously, unexplainably moving backwards, sending them back to the yellow lights that they had passed on their journey. They can control time, somehow, can make it flow the opposite way, force themselves to an earlier time. It had happened without their control when they died but they had the same DETERMINATION, if not more, when they are alive. There is nothing stopping them from controlling time as long as they want it enough.

As long as they are DETERMINED enough.

"I have an idea," they breathe out, voice finally steady. They can feel the beginning of a cold smile at the edges of their lips. _(In this world, it's kill or be killed.)_ They had ignored the flower, before. He was a laughably pathetic villain, wearing a cartoonish smile surrounded with golden petals, and his name certainly wasn't helping anything. Flowey, really?

But so far, every monster along their way has tried to kill them. Even if they hadn't died, Frisk had been struck by more than a few attacks that left them crying and bleeding against a wall, until they were able to hobble over to a golden star and heal. And if even ~~Mom~~ had tried to kill them, _had_ killed them, then what is there to say about the world beyond the Ruins? They don't want to believe her, especially after what she had almost done, after what she actually _did_ , but Toriel had always been the one to offer MERCY first. They don't want to believe that Dad could do what she said, but-

~~He~~ had betrayed them. ~~She~~ had killed them five times. Who is to say that ~~Dad~~ wouldn't be the same?

_(Kill or be killed.)_

They are done with being killed. They have been done with being killed for a long, long time.

"You know how you felt stronger, after she died?" Frisk nods, stiffly, and they barrel on. "We'll go back from the beginning. We can become strong. We can become so strong that nobody can hurt us again. We'll show everybody that tries to hurt us that we're stronger, and they'll stop, and we won't have to worry about any of it ever again. We'll be safe. We'll be ok."

They meet their gaze, eyes wide and innocent and trusting. "Promise?"

_(The thought of being strong enough to never be hurt again fills you with DETERMINATION.)_ "I promise."

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> second part, woo !! I’ll try to post these in chronological order, but if inspiration strikes I might add a drabble or two between things I’ve already written, we'll see. This is mostly a place for me to throw out my thoughts more than anything and definitely suffers from a lack of preparation, but I’m having fun so far so I don’t mind that much.
> 
> To be honest, the situation of Frisk and Chara throughout this game just. Breaks my heart. They’re just kids and they’re expected to save All Of The Monsters, either by pulling off a miracle or by sacrificing their own life, and added onto the implied trauma they have already it’s just gotta be? So much? Both of them are definitely not "saints" in my universe, but they sure as heck aren’t bad, genocidal maniacs or anything. They’re just kids doing what they can to survive in a very hostile world. I don’t hate the monsters, at all, but I think that if this game and fandom is going to demand accountability from the two children being attacked and murdered at every turn, then I can demand the same from the adult monsters that should know better.
> 
> I will say this: everyone is going to be ok, eventually, because I think everyone deserves that. It might take some time, but they’ll get there. 
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading!!! And a special thank you if you give kudos or comment!! Have a great day, and hopefully see you soon?


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